The Fine Art of Talking About Nothing

I’ve been thinking this week about small talk, and how many of us spend so much time trying to make it. And I’ve realized something. It’s hard. Trying to have a conversation with someone you don’t know, or who you only know a little, or with whom you have little or nothing in common can be stressful for the most talkative of people.

Most of us kind of suck at it. (I’m one of those people.) In fact, I dare say some of us struggle to converse with people we see every day, or whom we’ve known our whole lives. Sad reality.

But every so often, I come across someone who has perfected the art of talking about nothing. And by nothing, I also mean everything. These are the people who you’ve never met before, or who are maybe only acquaintances or whatever, but no matter when you see them, they always have something to say and—miracle of miracles—what they’re saying is not only interesting, but inspires an intelligent/witty/smart-aleck response from you.

These are the people who seem to be friends with everyone because EVERYONE has had a conversation with them. And not just a conversation, a satisfying conversation, wherein both parties were present and both spoke and responded.

Everyone needs people in our lives to whom we can talk about nothing in particular and know that we are heard. To have those people actually respond and reply and give input. I have a few of these friends, and I treasure them daily for the very vitality and brightness they bring to me. I'm recognizing more and more how very important these seemingly meaningless conversations can be, because nothing is meaningless when it makes someone feel valued.

It’s an art form, really. And one I think I need to study. What kinds of qualities should a talented talk-artist have? (Seriously, I’d like answers to this if you have some!)

Bigger isn't Always Better

Oh my gosh you guys. The other day at the store, we found these marshmallows that are like, bigger than my whole hand. Seriously. The things are HUGE. Almost look like mini pillows. They’re called campfire marshmallows, and were on a s’mores display with chocolate bars and graham crackers.

Of course I had to buy them. I mean, who wouldn’t want to try roasting a giant marshmallow?

So we took those babies home and lit a fire in our backyard fire pit. Turns out, this was one of those cases in which bigger wasn’t better. The outsides cooked at about the same rate as that of regular sized marshmallows, but the insides took quite a bit longer, meaning that in order to cook them all the way through to s’mores perfection, either the outside was burned, or the inside was too solid.

Maybe it was just us. I’m certain that there are people in the world who will never go back to the regular sized marshmallows again. But I think we’re going to stick to our tried and true version so we’re able to cook them to exactly the right gooey crispness.

Because some things life are so good that trying to improve them will only make things messy. Don’t you agree?

Things I Learned in 2010

1. No matter how hard you try to please people, someone is inevitably disappointed, let down, or frustrated. I’m far better off doing what feels right to me, and hoping that others understand, but letting it go when they don’t.

2. Turning 18 or 21 doesn’t automatically make a person an adult. It is thoughts, actions, and behaviors that make us that. On the flip side, turning 40 or 50 or 85 doesn’t necessarily make a person old either. Same thing goes, even if our bodies are a little more wrinkled and worn.

3. You can’t plan for everything. Sometimes things come up. You aren’t prepared. Best thing you can do is roll with it, keep your priorities in line, and smile as much as you can.

4. Everyone gets discouraged at some point. Everyone. If you see someone who needs a pick-me-up, jump to help. You never know when you’ll be next and that person (or someone else) will be returning the favor.

5. Really strong, intense emotions tend to shut down your brain, then restart it again with a new perspective (even if that restart takes a few months). At the point of restart, a waterfall of wisdom might flow in. Be prepared to catch it.

6. Always wear a helmet.

7. Be careful of the things you do and say to others. You have no idea what is happening in their lives, how your actions or words will affect them now, or in the future.

8. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder. Also, it makes your house get, then stay, clean for a long time.

9. Sleep is for the tired, but caffeine is for the determined.

10. You can make friends, a home, your bed, but no matter what you do, you cannot make up for words left unsaid. Tell the important people in your life that you love them as often as possible. You never know when your most recent words will turn into your last ones.

What important lessons did you learn last year?

What I Learned Last Week

1. Service = love. Start with family, then work your way out.

2. Sometimes the needs of others are more important than our personal needs. And sometimes they aren’t.

3. When something I’ve done makes a person smile on the outside, I feel all happy and smiley on the inside.

4. Be careful with your gadgets when going to the pool. Water+phone=BADBADBAD! (And to think I considered--for a short minute--taking my netbook!)

5. I am completely dependent on technology, and I’m really okay with that.

6. The Apple genius squad knows how to make things all better. For a price.

7. I can live without hot water for at least three days—maybe more. I can deal with damage to my car—yes, my beloved Mustang—without tears. The loss of my phone for 30 hours was life-altering, traumatic, and completely crippling.

8. But my family means more to me than my phone, and cannot be fixed or replaced by the guys at Apple.

9. Sometimes life keeps you from writing when you really, really want to write. Even when you have fantabulous ideas that must be scribbled onto a napkin as you’re waiting at a traffic light, hoping that when you get to a computer you can read your writing and make sense of the jumble of words.

10. It’s okay if I didn’t make my weekly goal. All I can do is what I can do, and then pick up where I left off and try again next week.

Ahh. Summer.

Goal for July: FINISH at least one of the two rough drafts on which I’m working. Hold me to it, peeps!

Harnessing the Power of Books

I don’t have a favorite genre. I mean, I do. I love YA, generally paranormal and dystopia, but I also read issue books. And religious books. And adult genres, specifically romance, but not always. Depending on my mood, I might read a drama, or an inspirational, or a fun little middle grade book. My kids will even tell you that I have my very own stash of picture books that they are not allowed to touch without asking. (Yes, sad, I know.)

But why should you care what I read? What does it matter?

I’ve discovered that even though I know what genre I’m writing (no really, I do!) everything I read—be it inside or outside my chosen genre—affects my writing. It does. Okay, so probably not directly, because a writer isn’t anything if not original, but think about it.

Poorly written books help me learn from the mistakes of other authors so I don’t make those same ones.

Excellent writing gives me the desire to reach higher out of my comfort zone and try new methods, or points of view, or styles.

Books that leave me thinking about the characters for days afterward give me reason to delve deeper into my own characters. That way my readers will become so attached, they’ll have the same problem as me.

If nothing else, every book is written in a different voice and style, both of which can be full of lessons for writers.

But what about those of you who aren’t writers? Reading a variety of genres is good for everyone, for many of the same reasons. When something is done poorly, you learn how to not make that mistake yourself. When something is done with extreme excellence, you inherit a desire to stretch farther and reach higher. When you read something that affects you deeply, you’ve generally learned a lesson about self or relationships. But if absolutely nothing else, readers generally have a better sense of life, the world, and, well, the universe. Oh, and also words. Can’t forget those. Readers know how to use words to the best advantage.

Guess what? Reading is a pretty powerful weapon. Regardless of your genre favorites, never be afraid to use your powers for good.

Who knows? Maybe something you’ve read will help you save the world someday.

It could totally happen.

Things I Learned at Storymakers 2010

By Nichole Giles

I spent last weekend at the conference of awesomeness—the LDStorymakers 2010. This is my very favorite conference of all time, for several different reasons, but mainly because after six years of attendance (or is that seven?) I feel like these people are my second family, and the conference is a giant reunion.

As much as I’d love to share all my notes, the classes are copyrighted. And truthfully, you kind of had to be there to get the fullness of everything. But what I can share with you are some thoughts and quotes from the classes I attended, and those incredible authors who taught them.

These are the things that affected me enough to stick in my mind, but not necessarily in any particular order:

“Anything that gets people to read is a wonderful thing.” ~Laura Rennert, Andrea Brown Literary Agency

“Writing a query is hard, but you can do hard things.” ~Elana Johnson author of From the Query to the Call.

“Writing is work, even when it’s fun.” ~Aprilynne Pike, author of Wings

“Believe in yourself, and find others who believe in you too.” ~ Laura Rennert (I went to two of her classes.)

“If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.” ~Dave Wolverton (aka David Farland) author of the Runelords series, In the Company of Angels, and so many other books I can’t possibly list them all.

And finally, a thought given by Dave Wolverton at the Whitney Awards ceremony. (I didn’t write it down, so this is as I remember it. Definitely not verbatim.)

“Doctors spend years going to medical school, but for some reason, writers expect to be published right out of the gate…the difference between learning to be a doctor and learning to write is that medical school has teachers and instructors and college texts to teach them medicine and writers are all on their own.”

And.

“You can make a living as a writer.”

Do you need more than that? Yeah, I didn’t think so.

My advice for the week? If you want to be a writer, go out of your way to attend conferences as often as possible. Consider it medical school for writers, and justify it by reminding yourself that you need all the training you can get, whenever you can get it.

Oh, and check out my totally awesome friends. Our writer's group has certainly grown this year! This is only some of us. I love these people!

Icy Slopes, New Skills, and Ibuprofen to the Rescue

This week, after eighteen and a half years of living in Utah, I took my first ski lesson. The problem isn't that I’m not an outdoors-type girl, or that I’m not willing to try new things necessarily. Just that I’ve never had an intense, mad desire to go flying down an icy slope on two waxed sticks with nothing more than a couple of poles and my body to steer me.

Yeah, well. Can you blame me?

But here’s the thing. Once I had an actual lesson from someone who knows what he’s doing, I realized that skiing isn’t necessarily as hard as I’ve always thought. I actually skied! Without killing myself.

Okay, so yeah, I did biff it once the instructor left me to my own devices, and totally twisted my knee in the wrong direction so badly that by the end of the day I could barely walk. But that’s beside the point. I tried something new and learned a new skill. And I have an economy-sized bottle of Ibuprofen, so it’s all good.

So the next time you think something is too hard, or that you’re not capable of learning a new skill, think again and try it anyway. You might just surprise yourself.

And that is all I have to say about that.


Don't be left out! This weekend is your last chance to enter my contest for lots of fun prizes. Click here for more details.

Worth The Cost

Over the past month, I’ve had several people ask me why I chose to go all the way to Phoenix for the ANWA conference this past weekend. It’s not a huge conference, and several of the speakers are authors who will also be teaching at the upcoming LDStorymakers conference in April here in Utah. The conference itself wasn’t expensive, but if I add up the cost of hotel and transportation, it did cost me a bit more that I’m usually willing to pay. But I did it anyway, because I wanted to go, and because I felt like I was supposed to be there for one reason or another.

Did I get my money’s worth? Yeah, I did. I had several important ah-ha moments, got some great advice, and heard words that felt custom designed for me. And yes, I’d do it again; even though I won’t even try to pinpoint the “reason” I was supposed to go. At least, not yet. I think sometimes we just get to know that we got something important from following that spiritual direction, even if we’re not able to give a name to the blessings that come from it.

That said, I will tell you a little about my favorite classes. J. Scott Savage gave the keynote address, during which he talked about the importance of setting proper expectations for ourselves. We made a list of things we can control versus those which we can’t. For instance, we can’t control what an agent wants, but we can do our best work and send it out there. We can’t control what’s “in” in the market or being in the right time and place, but we can polish our query and submit often. We can’t control how long an agent takes to get back to us, but we can send our query and then get right to work on the next project.

He also touched on several other subjects, like the folly of comparing ourselves to other authors—since we’re all individual and shouldn’t even WANT to be the same as someone else. He gave us tips on overcoming writers block and reminded us that it’s always darkest before the dawn. Which translates to, the journey’s always hardest right before you stumble into success. I loved that part, but my favorite piece of advice is that we break through the barriers to reach our potential.

Amen and nuff said. Thanks for that, Jeff. (He also had a class about finding an agent, which was also crammed with excellent advice.)

Later in the day, Aprilynne Pike talked about the life cycle of a writer and all the highs and lows we go through, even after we’ve signed with an agent and /or publisher. I loved her analogies, and though I didn’t get the exact steps written down, left the class with one thing to remember: I am a capable writer with an original story to tell. I think I’ll print that one and put it on my bathroom mirror as a reminder. Thanks, Aprilynne.

Helen Blair then spoke to us about tapping our subconscious minds, and helping our conscious and subconscious minds to play nicely together in order to reach our potential for creativity. She taught us how each part works, and why we sometimes suffer the effects of writers block. This class really spoke to me because I’m a big, big believer in this kind of thinking, and I found the whole lesson fascinating. Again, a whole class of takeaway for me, but during this session, I had a sudden epiphany of an important paragraph that needs to go in the beginning of one of my books. Yes, I wrote it down. And yes, it was a very important realization. Say it with me: Ah-ha!

There were several other classes I could tell you about, and other things I learned. But seriously, I need to get back to work on my book. I will say, though, that the ANWA ladies did a great job of putting this conference together, and for all the people who are wondering if it was worth it, the answer is yes. Yes it was.

Now, before I forget, there are lots of fun things happening on my blog this month. Check back on Friday for another big giveaway being held in conjunction with a book launch for my good friend Rachelle Christensen, who’s book Wrong Number is now available online and in stores. During this promotion, I’ll be giving away one copy of my new book, The Sharp Edge of a Knife, which is now available online, and should be in stores very soon. Following that, I’m launching my book (see title above) with a blog tour and more giveaways. I’m also planning a physical launch party, so watch for that announcement as well. (Still working on location—sorry for the delay.) Also, keep an eye on my event list on the sidebar to see where you can come meet me in person. Lots of fun events happening in March!

And now, I’m really getting back to work. Have a great day and write on.

What Happy Taught Me

By Nichole Giles

One of the things you learn when you become a parent is how to cheer for your children in their chosen art or sport. In our family, the boys are the artists and the girls the sportswomen. This took some discovering, but over the years, my husband and I have done our best to help nurture them all in whichever way is necessary. We want to encourage them to move forward with whatever sport or art in which they have passion.

Unfortunately, whenever large groups of girls play sports together, it has the potential to become a popularity contest more than a sports competition. Sometimes, it’s a lot of both, and that’s where things get very difficult. Something like this happened this year to my eleven-year-old daughter. I’ll call her Happy in this post. (As in the dwarf, not the emotion.)

It all started with an adult. The woman is the wife of one of our church leaders, and someone Happy has looked up to in the past with a bit of awe and respect. This woman decided to put together a basketball team, using all the girls in our neighborhood and ward. After coaching girls’ basketball (city league) for several years, she’s learned how to circumvent the city’s way of dividing the teams up so they are evenly matched. This woman picked her favorite and best players, leaving out only one girl in a very large area. In fact, she went to lengths to recruit girls from other areas to fill her team, deliberately leaving that girl out—for reasons unbeknownst to anyone other than the wicked coach herself. That poor lone girl is my Happy.

There’s more to explain here, but that would make for a long story. Suffice it to say, all of Happy’s friends got on the team. Except Happy. Who is a very good basketball player and has no idea why she was ousted. Neither do her parents.

Even more unfortunate, none of Happy’s friends understood why she wasn’t on the team. They asked her about it. Repeatedly. Telling her how they were recruited and wondering why they don’t get to play together. The friends didn’t understand that they were making Happy feel even worse. Happy was heartbroken.

She cried herself to sleep for two weeks. So did her mother.

Happy was hurt. But I was angry. So angry at this wicked, awful woman (I’m trying to be G rated here) who had the nerve to hurt my child so deeply. And guilty. My DH and I became certain that it was somehow our fault—that we’ve somehow done something to make this happen. Offended someone or said the wrong thing. But it didn’t matter at this point. No degree of arguing with the city people would get her on that team. Even if she wanted it anymore. Which she didn’t. (Side note, wicked, awful coach-lady wouldn’t return our calls either. She knew what she’d done.)

I could think of no solution to help my daughter feel better other than to offer for her to not play basketball this year.

That was the wrong thing to say. How dare I even suggest it? Happy loves basketball. Always has. And she’s good at it. Very good. Why wouldn’t she play just because some stupid crazy-lady wants to create a ringer team and not invite her? Happy tells me she’ll play anyway. In whichever team the city places her. And she’ll practice hard. Very hard so that when Happy’s new team plays against the ringers, she can wipe the floor with them. All by herself if necessary.

Fast forward a few weeks. The holidays came and went, and when the season started, Happy went to her first practice and realized that her new team of strangers has a good coach and some pretty decent players. All was not lost. They won a few games. Happy felt confident. And smiled because she was happy again.

Then the day came when the two teams played each other. Happy had been preparing herself mentally, physically, and emotionally for a long time.

*Switching to commentary mode*

They tip the basketball. Happy is off. She has the ball. She’s fast. She plays hard. She is aggressive. She runs, she shoots, she scores, she rebounds. She’s…amazing. Incredible. Fantastic.

The other parents stop watching their own children because they can’t stop watching Happy. The husband of the evil-coach is heard exclaiming in amazement about Happy’s abilities. Other parents know she is my daughter and ask where she learned to play. (I have no answer. Not from me. My guess is that she’s channeling her emotions much like I do when I write.)

Happy doesn’t miss. Happy’s coach is ecstatic. Doesn’t want to take her out. She wouldn’t come out anyway.

**End commentator mode. **

In the end, Happy’s team missed a few too many baskets and lost by one point. But Happy felt good. She played hard. She showed them what she’s made of, what they missed out on. She kicked their butts to China and then brought them back on a wooden platter. She shined the floor with them. Even though the other team won.

Everyone who mattered saw. And she knew it.

This time, for her, it wasn’t about winning or losing or about who likes who more than someone else or who doesn’t like someone else or who was popular. It was about proving to herself that she has value. That she is as good as them. Better even. And that she doesn’t need her friends (even if she loves them) to make her into a good player. She is already good. And the rest doesn’t matter. She has won. And the tears were worth it.

Epilogue: Mom and dad are now thinking we have a star on our hands and wondering about putting her in a more competitive league where she can learn and grow. Where other players can give her some competition and make her even better. Can we say scholarship material? Yeah. It’s like that.

And since I’ve been experiencing a similar-type snub, I’m trying to learn from Happy’s example. I don’t need my friends to make me good. All I need is to keep going, keep pushing forward and working hard. Put my heart and soul into my work, the way she did in that game. The rest doesn’t matter. I have already won. And the tears I’ve shed will be worth it.

(*Evil coach lady couldn’t look at us in church today. Even though she teaches Happy’s class now. (Bad form, even for an evil coach.) She is embarrassed and humiliated. She should be.*) Tee hee.

Lesson of the day: Carry on and be like Happy.

Things I've learned today and Big Winner of the Original Scrapbox EZ View Desktop

I spent the morning and part of the afternoon signing books at Barnes and Noble in the Gateway mall.  There are two things I learned.

First, every bookstore is different. They're all under different management, and since each person has a different view of authors and the books they've written, each manager prepares very differently for a signing. On Wednesday we showed up where they had a table waiting with a nice cloth, balloons, and lots of signage. We'd been placed in a position near the customer service desk and had lots of room.And our books were all spread out nicely on the table, just waiting for us to sign them.

Today, we showed up, the manager cleared off a display table and carried it right next to the doors and handed us a stack of books. He was a totally nice guy, and was sure to check on us and make sure we had what we needed. And how he did it wasn't wrong by any means. Just different.

So...lesson number one, always come prepared with your own table cloth, signage, and ideas.

Second, you'll get a different reaction to your book depending on the location of the store--especially when your book has a religious theme.We got lots of dirty looks today, but also met some interesting and wonderful people.

Lesson number two, it's always a good idea to have a giveaway or two, and if you can do more, try to draw for them every half hour or so in order to keep people around. The truth is, whenever there's a crowd, people come over to see what's going on, and sometimes those people end up buying.

There's more, but I'm pretty well aware that you're all dying to know who won the EZ View Desktop. Drawing now...

And the winner is...





Are you mad yet?





Okay fine, I'll really draw.





BABA!  Congratulations on winning the desktop.  Email me at writenichole at gmail dot com and get me your full name, mailing address and phone number as well as your color preference.

Thanks for playing, kids. And stay tuned for more giveaways coming soon.

Have a great weekend.

Nichole