The Fine Art of Talking About Nothing

I’ve been thinking this week about small talk, and how many of us spend so much time trying to make it. And I’ve realized something. It’s hard. Trying to have a conversation with someone you don’t know, or who you only know a little, or with whom you have little or nothing in common can be stressful for the most talkative of people.

Most of us kind of suck at it. (I’m one of those people.) In fact, I dare say some of us struggle to converse with people we see every day, or whom we’ve known our whole lives. Sad reality.

But every so often, I come across someone who has perfected the art of talking about nothing. And by nothing, I also mean everything. These are the people who you’ve never met before, or who are maybe only acquaintances or whatever, but no matter when you see them, they always have something to say and—miracle of miracles—what they’re saying is not only interesting, but inspires an intelligent/witty/smart-aleck response from you.

These are the people who seem to be friends with everyone because EVERYONE has had a conversation with them. And not just a conversation, a satisfying conversation, wherein both parties were present and both spoke and responded.

Everyone needs people in our lives to whom we can talk about nothing in particular and know that we are heard. To have those people actually respond and reply and give input. I have a few of these friends, and I treasure them daily for the very vitality and brightness they bring to me. I'm recognizing more and more how very important these seemingly meaningless conversations can be, because nothing is meaningless when it makes someone feel valued.

It’s an art form, really. And one I think I need to study. What kinds of qualities should a talented talk-artist have? (Seriously, I’d like answers to this if you have some!)

Actually, it IS Personal

Over the last few weeks, I’ve been given a lot of reasons to reflect on personal connections and how important they can be to my career. Or anyone’s career, no matter what they do. In fact, connecting with people can potentially have an enormous impact on our personal lives as well.

Here’s the thing. When someone knows you, remembers having a conversation with you—however brief—you become a person rather than a random face in a crowd. And believe it or not, it’s a lot easier to think compassionate, fair, happy thoughts about a person you’ve actually met, as opposed to a random face you’ve never seen.

Easier to think good things, and harder to think bad ones.

Easier to respond positively rather than negatively.

Easier to understand that person, well, personally.

For instance. Say you’re querying agents (or editors or publishers), and somewhere along the way, you’ve met one. Spent a little time talking to that person. Made a connection with something the two of you have in common, or even just had a good discussion about business. You see them as a human being, and they see you in the same light. Then, when you send that person your query, they think, “Hey, I remember her.” And even if they must ultimately reject you, they’re far more likely to do so with a personalized note, maybe some advice, and perhaps a recommendation that you submit to XYZ who might be a better fit.

This can potentially extend your reach to other networks, other avenues, other possibilities. All because you took the time to talk to that one person when you had the opportunity.

The same thing can happen in any situation. Even if nothing huge ever comes from those connections, our lives will most definitely be richer for them.

Think about it. What connections have you made that have made your life (professional or personal) fuller?

Impressions that Matter

Last week when I was at WorldCON, my roomies and I got into a discussion about networking, and how much it really matters. This discussion seemed to revolve around two solid points.

First, making personal connections with others who are—like us—first and foremost, people.

Second, solidifying that connection by making a memorable impression.

To me and my roomies, this meant grooming and dressing appropriately for each situation and other things of that nature. Because those are definitely priority. But also being in the moment. Listening. Joking. Laughing. Discussing. Remembering. Connecting.

In my experience, there have actually been occasions which called for singing and dancing. *shrugs* It happens.

My point is if we want to be remembered, we have to be brave enough to step up, reach over, and stand out.

So. What are your secrets to making a lasting impression?


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10 Things I LOVED about WorldCON in Reno

I am still too exhausted to write an entire blog post detailing all my favorite moments from RENOvation. And since school started, like, hours after I returned home, I expect to be exhausted for—I dunno—another week? A month? Anyway, I don’t want to wait that long to tell ya, so I’m going to make a list and hope it gives you just a little taste of my favorite parts of last week. (In the order I come up with them, but not necessarily in order of what I loved most or least.)

1. Upon arrival at the conference center, my roomies and I immediately saw George R.R. Martin and stalked him until he agreed to come to the throne and pose in a picture with us.

2. Checking out the dealer room (and by dealer, I mean where they sell stuff that is legal, like corsets and books and jewelry—what were you thinking?) and finding treasures. Some of which were people.

3. Attending a private party hosted by TOR and hanging with more agents and editors than I’ve ever, ever seen in one single location. (Yes, we met, and yes, we pitched, and yes, requested. *squee*)

This is where they stored the drinks. Dr. Pepper, all around! (Why yes, that is a bathtub.)

4. Being escorted the half mile to our hotel (after missing the shuttle) by bestselling author Peter Brett and his agent friend Eddie Schneider (JABerwocky). They were quite chivalrous. And also lots of fun to hang out with. And now I have to read all of Peter’s books and catch up with the rest of the world because I have—apparently—been living under a rock for the last few years.


5. Becoming a lampshade sister with my roomies, wherein we swore an oath to always attend WorldCON together because it was SO BEYOND AWESOME. (*hugs to my sistahs* Especially Alaina, who is not in this pic, but was in one--somewhere.)

6. Chillin with lots of peeps I haven’t seen for a while, and making SO MANY new friends from around the world.

7. Attending the Hugos, even though none of my Utah friends won, and then actually being allowed to HOLD A HUGO later that evening.

8. Really amazing, creative, beautiful costumes being worn by some really amazing, creative, BRAVE, bold people. Also, my roomies and I dressed up for Masquerade night. It. Was. AWESOME.

9. Being invited to a private party by George Martin himself (and also by Lodey, and Wolfgang, and I think Stego, then later Frisco and Blackfyre—they all invited us) hosted by the Brotherhood Without Banners where we met some really awesome peeps, and joined, and then were invited back the next night so we could be sent on a quest after which we were knighted by GRRM. (That’s Ser Nichole, Awful Awful Lady Knight to you!) Funnest parties ever. I’m serious. Thanks BWB!


10. Hearing this EXCELLENT news about my Lampshade Sister, Jenn, and celebrating by eating Italian food at La Veccia. Twice. I am so happy for her I squealed. A few times. I’m actually hoarse now. Not joking.


So, there you have them—ten off-the-cuff highlights from RENOvation. There’s more. A lot more. But some stuff just has to be experienced.

What about you? What’s one of your most awesome conference/convention experiences? I’d love to hear it.

My New Best Friends

By Nichole Giles

Last week, I caught wind of yet another gathering of writers. Though this one is called a CONduit rather than a conference (the difference being that not everyone who shows up to this one is actually a writer—some are groupies, gamers, and world builders), I wondered if it would be worth my time to go.

I couldn’t use the excuse of money because it was really inexpensive in comparison with other conferences I regularly attend. And I couldn’t really use the excuse of distance because Salt Lake is really only a forty-minute drive from my house, and I don’t mind driving. Especially with music.

So after asking a few people about it, I decided it could be worth the investment of time. I gave it a shot.

Happy news, it was lots of fun! The serious writers were sort of separated from the gamers and groupies—sitting in on panels, attending readings and signings, and networking with each other. The word of the day for Saturday was networking. Not that the panels and classes weren’t important or useful—because they definitely were. Especially the Friday main address by Howard Taylor and the Saturday one by David Wolverton (aka Farland). Excellent, both of them. But even more fun was the chance I had to hang out with so many brilliant minds.

A bunch of us went to dinner together, and I had the opportunity (which I suspect will be rare from here on out) to sit next to and visit with Aprillynne Pike, whose debut fantasy novel, “Wings” hit #1 on the NYT Bestseller List last week. Across the table I chatted with Paul Genesse (“The Golden Chord”), and on my other side was my good friend Rebecca Shelley (“Red Dragon Codex”& “Brass Dragon Codex”). Down the line was another friend, James Dashner (“13th Reality” & “Mazerunner” series books), among other authors with whose work I am not yet acquainted—but am sure will be seeing in print very soon. I also had the chance to get to know a new member of my writer’s group. Josh Perkey is not only an editor for the Ensign magazine, but also an up and coming sci-fi/fantasy author. It was a good day.

But that wasn’t the end of the story. When we got back to the CON, we all sort of collapsed in the sitting area of the hotel lobby. Some of the original group left to go to bed, or call family, or hit the workout room, while others joined us to hang out. Howard and Sandra Taylor, Dave Wolverton (briefly), Julie Wright, Karen Hoover, Eric James Stone, and other people came to hang out with “the cool people.” About the point when the hotel staff got mad at us for rearranging the entire lobby (by finding more and more comfortable chairs and dragging them into an enormous circle) we moved into an empty conference room where we could put our feet on the table (shh, don’t tell!) and pretend we were having a very important meeting. It was relaxed and enjoyable, and good for the souls of us soon-to-be-published authors.

The bottom line? The classes and panels were fun. But socializing is always the best part for me. Would I go again? Absolutely. Will I ever dress up like Princess Leah or Darth Vader? Doubtful. Although, if it would make the difference between an agent or editor asking to see my work…maybe. You never know! Ask me again before next year’s CON.

In the meantime, you can find me hanging out with all my new best friends…or at least, their books.