The Other Side of the Failure Forest

Remember this post when we talked about how success changes people? I’m still thinking about that, and it occurs to me that there’s another side of this coin. Not everyone succeeds. Some people change their goals completely, go in different directions, or flat out fail altogether.

Let’s face it. Just because we want something doesn’t mean we’re supposed to get it. Just because we hope doesn’t make our desired outcome best for us. And just because we fight doesn’t mean we’re going to win, or even that we should.

When this happens, when we adjust our thought processes, daily habits, and goals in order to reorganize the paths our lives are taking, how much does this change us?

I mean, yes, obviously we should (theoretically) be stronger for the lessons we’ve learned along the way. But after we discover that maybe we’re not cut out for that thing for which we’ve been reaching, or maybe that we’ve been reaching in the wrong direction—do you think that changes us too?

We all have a different purpose in life, different talents, different needs and desires and abilities, so it makes total sense that we’d have individual paths to success. And along the way we ALL experience failure of some sort or another.

The question is how will we deal with it?

Will we let our disappointment swallow us whole? Will we let hurt bury us? Will we allow heartache to still our hands and minds and creative process until we work no more?

OR.

Will we rise above it, set a new path, pick ourselves up, and start again?

Once again, I think it comes down to choices. We get to choose how we react to these circumstances. We get to choose what we do next. We get to choose which road to take at the next fork.

Me? I have decided that just because I only see two roads doesn’t mean I can’t forge my own path. And that, my friends, is EXACTLY what I intend to do.

See you on the other side of the forest.

Books We Read Again

And again, and again. Seriously. Do you have some of these? I have this adorable teenage neighbor who knows how to take care of books, so I often loan them to her. We joke that I’m her personal library, and I kind of am, because I tend to have the most awesome new young adult books to recommend. And since I’m recommending, I might as well loan them, right? Yeah. So anyway, I ran into her the other day.

Her (in reference to The Hourglass Door series): Sorry I’ve had your books for so long. I was so sad to finish that I started reading them over again.

Me: Those are always the best ones. I’m glad you liked them.

Her: Do you have more that are good like that?

Me, rubbing hands together: What do you think? Of course.

I then rattled off a list, got her excited, and she had my books back to me two days later, excited to start The Hunger Games.

Personally, I have a number of these books on my shelves. When I love a book, I own it. The ink and paper version, and sometimes ALSO the digital version. Because I never know when I’ll have the itch to read it again. Recently, I read another fantastic book which was so beautiful and romantic that after reading it in two days, I immediately started over and read it again (even though I have a really big stack of other books to read).

In case you’re wondering, the recent book of mine was Dangerous Favor by Joyce DiPastena. Excellent historical fiction that's absolutely clean, and completely engrossing.

I confess to having a number of read-again books.

Do you do this? What are your recent favorites?

Don’t Let the Sun Go Down On You

Tell me you remember that song? Wait. That might date me a little. Anyway, it’s by Elton John. And even though I haven’t heard it in years, it popped into my head earlier this week.

Seems like everywhere I look, people are struggling. Careers. Family. Relationships. Money. Sports. Choices. There are so many things to discourage us in life. And winter seems like the worst time for all of it. There's less sun, therefore, less of that all-important energizing vitamin D our bodies crave.

So I’ve decided it’s about time for a little pep talk (and by the time this posts, I’ll likely need to read it myself). Here it is, are you ready? Okay.

Stop worrying and start living.

That’s it. Things are going to go wrong sometimes. We all have down-cycles in every part of life. Finances, careers, relationships, health, self esteem, creativity—EVERYTHING. But things get better. There is always a way up if you keep your eyes, mind, and heart open. And up—yeah, it’s where we all want to be.

So stop worrying and start living.

In the words of Sheryl Crow, it's not having what you want, it's wanting what you've got.

Get on with the important things. Keep going. And while you’re at it, get some sunshine. It’ll help. I promise.


Have a great weekend!

What I Want Most

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what I want. And I’m not just talking about how badly I sometimes crave Girl Scout cookies, Black Forest gummy bears, chocolate, or Dr. Pepper. No, I’m thinking about what I want in life, in my career, with my family, stuff like that.

You may remember me quoting James Owen a couple weeks ago. He said, “Never give up what you want most for what you want most in that moment.” So I’m trying to figure out what I want most in the future and how I might be able to obtain those things.

For instance, I really, really want a literary agent and a publishing contract with a national publisher. I also really, really want to someday make money on something I write.

And I know I could have the second without the first. I could. If I choose to self publish my work, I could probably make a few dollars here and there. Maybe more than a few. But it’s really unlikely that money would be as satisfying to me as money that might come from holding onto the dream that will take much longer to reach. And while money is important to me, it isn’t as important as reaching those other big goals.* So I’m holding onto my dream and being patient.

I’d love to live somewhere tropical-ish. Or, I could go on a trip, and call that enough. (I vote for the long-term permanent solution.)

Someday I hope to write three full books per year. Or, I could write articles instead and make a little money on the side, but that would significantly cut into my ability to write novels.(I choose to focus on novels that might help me reach that goal above.)

Long term goals require planning, and also an investment of time in the present, as well as the future.

Kind of like climbing a ladder. Most of us can only climb one rung at a time, and at our own pace. Some people climb higher than they ever have, and are content (as they should be). Others feel the need to go all the way to the top.

What about you? What dreams are you holding onto in hopes of reaching a higher rung?

*NOTE: This is only what feels right for me, not necessarily for you—only you can decide that.

Life After Success

Last week my friend Carolyn asked if her blog readers believe people change once they have succeeded in achieving important goals. This is not a new question for me, but for some reason, Carolyn’s has stuck with me all week. It’s on my mind, apparently.

I told her (and her readers) that I think to some degree, everyone changes. When you set a goal and reach that goal, it's inevitable that something inside you grows and becomes more than it was as you were looking to achieve it.


However, it is up to the individual person to decide what they do with that change. Will you let it go to your head? Will you treat people differently? Will you allow all your time to be swallowed by new things? Will you make or find time for the people or projects that matter to you, even if you can't see a benefit?


Some of us will be fundamentally different once we find that success for which we've so long reached.


But some of us, even in changed circumstances, will remain fundamentally the same. We may be busier. We may have more things on which to focus. We may even have to reevaluate where our priorities lie. But we will still be that person who once struggled to reach a goal. And we will strive to NEVER forget how we got there or how difficult that journey was.


I pray every day that when I find my success, it will change me only for the better, and that I will never, ever be tempted to forget those people who have been so important to me.

(Yep, that’s pretty much my blog comment, word for word.)

What about you? Have your current successes changed you at all? In which ways? And do you think future successes will continue to change you on a core level?

The Inevitable Question: How’s Your Writing Going?

I don’t know about the rest of my writer friends, but I’ve decided it’s inevitable that whenever I end up at a gathering that does not include other writers, someone will ask how my writing is going. And it’s really obvious that the people who ask this question mean well. Most of them are truly interested in hearing news about my progress.

The problem is that most of the time there is no quick, easy way to answer this question with much detail. Am I still writing? Yes. More than I ever have. Am I still submitting? Again, yes. Have I finished another novel? Yep. A few. When are they coming out? Uh…someday. Maybe? I hope. Am I still looking for an agent? Yep.

All these answers are the same ones I’ve been giving for a while. In the eyes of the people who ask that question, nothing has really changed. I’m still chasing an impossible dream.

But in reality, everything has changed. I have more finished projects, and am preparing at least one for querying/submission. I am a better writer than I was two years ago. A LOT better. I write faster. I am more focused. My characters are more developed, my plots clearer and more compelling. Most importantly, I feel more confident than ever. I KNOW I’m making progress. I’ve come a long way since I started. And I’m so excited about this progress. About my personal possibilities.

Still, there’s really no way for a non-writer to understand this progress in the ten to thirty second question-answering allowance. So I am usually reduced to something like, “It’s going well. Making some great progress.”

For now, that answer is going to have to be good enough. And I’ll just keep my fingers crossed that someday I’ll have news they can actually understand.

What about you? How do you answer that question?

Snippets of Wisdom, part 2

In case you missed Wednesday’s post, this week I’m sharing quotes from writers whom I have decided are infinitely wise in our open-mindedness.

I’m going to focus today on sharing quotes about life, in hopes that something here reaches out and touches one or two of my readers. Okay? Okay.

“The journey of 1000 miles starts with one step.” ~Jess Smart Smiley author of Upside Down, A Vampire Tale

“Being a grown up is not a prize you win. It’s something you reach out and take for yourself.” ~Sandra Tayler

“When you know you don’t know it all, you’re willing to learn.” ~Stacey Whitman, Senior Editor, TU books.

“Everyone is making it up as they go.” ~Tracey Hickman

“Very few times in our lives do we have a choice that will change our entire future.” ~James A. Owen, author of Drawing out the Dragon

“We have to get over the fear of making mistakes, even when we make them.” ~Stacey Whitman

“Be willing to forget what you know and just be who you are.” Jennifer Nelson

Okay, now it’s your turn. At some point in your life, you’ve heard a quote (don’t deny it, I know you have!) that changed you. Or at least made you really think. What was that quote and who said it?