What Does Love Mean to You?

Last week’s post about love conquering all brought up some interesting points. Especially because everyone has such a different way of looking at things. While all the points were valid, some of the more negative ones made me wonder something.

What does the word love mean to you?

Clearly, everyone defines it differently. Yes? Well. I have to be honest. I hadn’t really considered that. I guess I was thinking about what love means to me. But some of the scenarios that came up in the comment section of last Monday’s post gave me pause to think about what that word means to different people.

For me, love is everything good and decent and kind. It is service personified, unselfishness, comfort. Love is, and will always be the center of happiness. And granted, I’m a sucker. A total romantic. But there are also things I believe love is NOT.

For instance, in my mind, love is NEVER cruel or mean. Never abusive degrading or demeaning. Love does not choose sides, or keep secrets or tell lies. Love doesn’t hit or poke or leave bruises or burns.

People may do those things, but LOVE, itself, does not.

Love is an emotion, a feeling, a conviction even, but it is not human. And as always, everything comes back to us being human and making choices. And so I ask again. Can love, in its purest form, conquer the forces of evil?

In my experience, love wins the battle EVERY TIME. That doesn’t mean the ending is always happy, that the good guy always wins or that the bad guy always loses. What it means is that love is the thing that gives us the strength to push forward and move on.To rebuild.

So, now you know what it means to me, I’d love to know. What does love mean to you?

Recipe for a Happy Ending

So. Given that we’ve established what it takes to defeat the forces of evil and let love conquer all, do we automatically assume our story has a happy ending?

Okay, not always. Just because the hero managed to vanquish the evil villain doesn’t mean they automatically ride off into the sunset with his/her prince/princess and live happily ever after. What about the loose ends? What about the consequences of the battle? What about the sacrifices made by everyone involved? What happens to the other characters in the story?

Just because the hero solved his/her own problem doesn’t mean the world has been saved and everyone is happy. No. I think a true happy ending is usually somewhat bittersweet. There is some loss, some heartache and pain. Establishing a happy ending should require rebuilding of broken ideals, foundations, or…windows (whatever). It might even require an apology. *gasps*

Whenever one of life’s battles ensues, there’s a fallout that seems to be remarkably absent in fairy tale stories. And guilt. What about guilt? Does the hero ever feel guilty for his/her part in the death or destruction of the villain? Even if they deserved it?

These are things to be considered before jumping on that noble steed to ride off into the sunset. So. Just because the battle is over and the good guys won, never forget that there is always more around the corner. Another battle to fight, another city to rebuild, another consequence to face.

Don’t fear it, just remember it. Acknowledge it. And then, when it comes, hopefully, you—ahem, I mean, your hero—will be ready to face it.

All the Forces of Evil

Okay, so staying on the same subject as Monday’s post, (and because I’m apparently on a fairy tale kick) if love conquers all, is that all it takes to save the world from all the forces of evil?

Well, okay, I suppose you probably need a sword or a bow and quiver of arrows or special powers or something. And a plan. Yes, a plan is a good thing, don’t you think? Because bad guys are devious and smart, so you can’t just expect to waltz into their evil lair and defeat them simply with your presence.

Or can you? Does intimidation work? Maybe sometimes. In real life it does affect some things. But I think probably the best weapon generally ends up being words. Even the good guy with the sharpest sword (or the strongest power or whatever) ends up talking their way into and out of messes on a regular basis. Yes?

And then, in the climactic moment when something has to give, it’s words that ultimately have the most impact on the outcome of the battle.

So, besides being brave, I think in order for the good guy to defeat the evil stepmother-turned-dragon (ala Enchanted) he or she needs to be intelligent and well spoken. They need to have it in them to run toward the scary dragon while everyone else is running away, asking why? Why did this happen? Why to this person or these people and in this situation? And how can I fix it or make it better?

Because only by running toward the forces of evil can the hero realize what needs to be done to save the day. Happens all the time in real life, just not in such an obvious way. Think about it. Is there a situation in your life in which words have won a battle for you? I’d love to hear about it.

Does Love Really Conquer All?

Over the weekend, for no reason in particular, I was thinking about the story of Robin Hood, and his lady love Maid Marian. In the Disney animated movie, toward the end, there’s a character that shouts, “Love, conquers all.”

We all know that not every story has a happy ending.

But love, in all its many various forms, does have a lot of power. Even if it can’t defeat things like death and destruction, natural disasters and disease, when it comes to the human condition, could love really, really solve all the world’s problems?

Take my theme from last week’s posts. Can love really make better the life of a child whose heart has been broken? Or an adult for that matter? Can love really move mountains?

Call me an optimist, but I believe it can. When there are no other choices, no other options for salvation, love finds a way. Yes, I am a romantic, and a dreamer and all that. It’s entirely possible that I’m biased. So I’m asking you. Do you believe love is the answer to all of the most important questions? All the worst problems? And what makes you believe one way or another?

A Position of Trust

Okay people, it’s Friday, and as promised, I intend to tie into Monday and Wednesday’s posts and what broken-hearted children have to do with writing.

Two things, actually.

First, when it comes to writing for or about young adults, moments or situations like the ones I mentioned Monday tend to be crucial turning points in the lives of our youth. And depending on the person, one situation can bring about any number of different outcomes.

It all depends on who that person is, what they stand for, what they want, who supports them, and what they do next.  Situations like this? Birth of all contemporary YA novels.

Yeah. (And you wondered where story ideas come from!)

Okay, second. Real life kids—aka readers—have certain expectations from our content. They expect not only a compelling story with characters they love and an interesting plot, but they expect a realistic and satisfying outcome. They expect our fictional characters to help them figure out what to do in their very real lives, how to act and react. (But if we preach, they’re gone.)

But most importantly, they expect that we—the trusted adult author—will not let them down. That by the time they get to the end of our book, they will have figured out how to conquer high school, relationships, parents, and very possibly, the world.

All in ninety-thousand words or less.  No problem!  (See Wednesday’s post if you need a pep talk.)

Stories like this line bookstore and library shelves, float around in backpacks, purses, and lockers. They walk the streets and head to class and shop at the mall. They’re everywhere.

They’re today’s kids. And they’re nothing less than perfect.

What Becomes of the Broken Hearted?

On Monday, I promised to tell you what kids need to know after a trusted adult breaks their heart and/or spirit.So here it is, the raw truth (for all kids and adults alike):

It does not matter what church you attend, or how often you go. It does not matter what sport you play, your position, your skill level, your choice of uniform colors. It doesn’t even matter if you play a sport at all. Or if you do art, or dance, or music, or writing. It doesn’t matter if your hair is blonde or brown or black or purple or RAINBOW striped, any more than the color of your skin matters. It doesn’t matter where you live, how large your house, the kind of car your parents drive or if you walk everywhere.  

None of these things have anything to do with your value as a very important human being.

You have a purpose, and it is not to be what everyone else in the world thinks you should be, but rather to be YOU. The best you possible. There is always room for improvement. Because no one is, or will ever be perfect. But YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH.

That person who let you down? Obviously, they’re not perfect either. And it’s not up to you to make them see the error of their ways (though, your parents might if ever given the chance). No. Your job is to NEVER listen to the voice they’ve installed in your head that makes you look at the ground instead of straight ahead, that makes you back away from a challenge instead of meeting it head on, that makes you feel the need to apologize for NOTHING.

You are good enough. You have the potential to climb mountains, swim oceans, jump chasms, and visit outer space if that’s what you want to do. What you do with your life is not up to them. It’s up to you. And you have the ability to do it, if only you will conquer your fears and try.

And you know what? You may not be perfect, but your hopes, your dreams? They are. And you have every right, every ability, to reach for them.

Never, ever let anyone—no matter who they are—tell you, or make you feel otherwise.

Okay kids, thanks for listening. I’ll jump off my soap box now. Good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight.

*Yep, still working toward what all this has to do with writing. Friday, peeps. Friday. 

Heart Breakers

I’ve decided that every kid is destined to have their heart broken by an adult at least once before they grow up. I’m not talking about, you know, being told they have to clean their rooms, or even feeling lied to about the possible existence of a certain white-haired-jolly man who wears a red suit.

No, I’m talking about kids trusting certain adults in their lives—be they teachers, scout leaders, clergy, sports coaches, whoever—who make promises or give expectations, but do not follow through. Who humiliate or hurt for reasons that kid will never understand. Every one of my kids has experienced this, and I’m telling you now, it’s a keen kind of let down, a heartache that you would never expect possible.

How does this happen?

I don’t know. Maybe sometimes it’s accidental. Those times don’t seem to hurt quite as bad as the ones that are on purpose. And believe me, it hurts the parents as much as the child. (Sometimes, that might be the point, which makes it even worse.)

But it must be necessary to the growth of the child, their personal journey. It must. How else would any adult justify making a kid feel like they’re worthless? Like their best isn’t good enough? Like they’re less important, less liked than their peers?

They don’t. There is no justification. NONE.  

But it happens just the same. So what do we do about it? We get out the voodoo dolls, buy the kid prizes, love them through it.

Also, we have a very important chat, which I will discuss on Wednesday, because otherwise this post will be holy-wow-long. In the meantime, I’d like to know. Have you experienced this yourself or with your kids? And how did you handle it?

*In case you're wondering, this discussion will tie into writing, but not until Friday. Keep reading!

Who Do You Know?

Have you ever thought about your favorite actor or recording artist or author and wondered what special person in their life had the “right connections” to help that particular person succeed? Because, as we’ve all been told a bazillion times before, it’s all about who you know, right?

I used to hate that statement, because it made me think that since I didn’t have a rich relative or famous friend, I couldn’t possibly reach success levels that others had. Also, it inferred (in my mind) that the successful person was only successful because of who they knew, rather than because of their own talent or skills.

Maybe for some people that’s accurate. But not for the majority.

When I started writing, I didn’t know a single soul who actually wrote books for a living. In fact, I didn’t know anyone who wrote anything for money. I didn’t even know anyone who wrote as a hobby (to my knowledge). And I had NO idea how to get started. All I knew was that I wanted to write a book. Just one. And it didn’t have to be published, because I wasn’t going to tell anyone—not even my husband.

We all know how big that snowball got. And it’s still rolling. Several years later, after numerous conferences and classes, I have lots of author friends. I’m acquainted with publishers and editors. The list of people I “know” in the industry is long.

But has knowing them made me successful?

If by successful you mean a NYT bestseller, making big money on royalties, and waiting for word on a movie deal that will smash all previous book-to-movie conversion records, than the answer is no. Not yet.

But if by successful you mean have I grown as a writer or author? Have I honed my craft, put time and efforts into learning all I can? Have I gained knowledge from having my work critiqued and in turn critiquing for others? Do I have support from the writing community? If you are asking any of these questions, then the answer is absolutely a resounding YES!

Has knowing the right people helped me get a contract faster? Depends on how you look at it. I have not yet signed with an agent, and I do not yet have a national book deal. But I do have two books published in smaller houses, and I’ve grown in leaps and bounds since I started.

So. What are my odds of success? No idea. But I will tell you, they’re a whole lot better today than they were six or seven years ago. And yes, it is because of who I know.

Go figure.

You're Invited to a Launch Party!

You are invited to the release

of Tristi Pinkston’s new novel

Dearly Departed

on Friday, January 14th,

at Pioneer Book

858 S. State, Orem

6 – 8 pm

Refreshments, prizes, and fun!

Bring a package of socks to be donated

to the homeless, and you'll be entered in an

additional drawing.

Hope to see you there!

Who's On Your Team?

This week, I’ve been thinking a lot about team work. My girls are involved in sports, so they get a lot of practice playing on teams. With each year that passes, and each sport they play (there are many) I realize more and more what it means to take a group of kids with such different personalities, with different skills and circumstances and desires, and combine them, push them toward a common goal.

It takes a lot of work. And effort from every single person involved. They don’t all have to like each other or hang out socially. They don’t have to dress alike, look alike, talk alike, or all listen to the same music, watch the same movies, be friends with the same people. Most often, few of them have anything else in common except for their love of the sport, and the need to be a part of the team.

Sometimes the team wins. Sometimes they lose. Whatever the outcome, they work their butts off conditioning, trying to get better, to improve. And those who are dedicated always do.

I have teams all over the place. My family is a team. (Extended family=extended team.) I have an amazing team of friends—my besties, known as the fabs. At any given moment, I can pass the ball to one of these people on my team and know they’ll be there to help me out.

There are even groups of writers with whom I’m part of a team. I used to think writing is a solitary production. And it is at first. But then you get critique partners, other writers/authors, editors, copy editors, cover artists, production people, agents, publicists, news outlets…and the list goes on and on. A whole huge team of people working toward one common goal.

So I’m thinking maybe life is a team effort. Maybe it’s all about learning how to work together, despite our differences. What do you think? Am I crazy to consider myself part of so many teams? To think other people are on my side waiting for me to pass the ball to them? Am I really an idealistic moron who puts too much hope in the world and the people in it, or do you think there’s some truth, some logic to this whole team thing?

More importantly, if I really am part of a team, what should we call ourselves?

I Believe In Angels

Have you ever seen an angel?

Contrary to popular belief, angels don’t necessarily have wings and wear halos. Most don’t live in heaven playing the harp the way they do in fairy tales. They walk among us. Every day we pass them on the street, at traffic lights, waiting in line at the grocery store. Sometimes, we get to be the angels, while sometimes others become angels to us.

It’s amazing to me how people in general, despite all our bazillions of differences, have an ingrained instinct to help one another. I mean, okay, I know it’s not every single person on the earth, but for the most part, people are good. They—we—just are.

We care about each other.

Consider natural disasters, or massive tragedies, or other instances in which large groups of people are in need. We donate money, and blood, and time. We send supplies and help rebuild cities. Because at the end of the day, we recognize that we are all human beings. Fragile and needy.

Over the weekend, I was witness to a miracle. Smaller scale than those world-wide ones, but bigger, much bigger, for the family who was in need. It doesn’t matter who or why, just that a week ago, a young family I know was given one week to come up with an amount of money most of us would have cringed at in order to schedule a life-saving surgery for their infant son.

One week. Their hopes were very low that this would happen. But then someone sent out an email asking for people to donate pocket change in place of hope. Nothing much. Just a few dollars if you can, and please help spread the word by forwarding this email to others. (BTW, the family had no idea this was happening.)

In one week, that single email was forwarded across the country and back, and donations rolled in. Because people really are good. And because we’ve all needed the help of angels at some point, and for the bargain price of the change in our pocket, this was an opportunity for each of us to be the angel.

In a matter of five days, the angels managed to deliver. Not the full amount, mind you, but a very large portion of it. The parents of this baby were stunned, emotional, and very, very grateful. To all those who got that email and either donated it or forwarded it, the whole family (myself included) thanks you.

When was the last time you had angels help you? And when were you last an angel to someone else?

The Real Magic

You know how on Wednesday I mentioned how I’d been blog hopping as I was writing my posts for this week? One of the posts I read asked for a magic formula to how you get passion.

But the thing is, I’m not sure there is a magic formula. I think passion is something you’re born with. Either you have it or you don’t. The trick is not so much getting passion as finding where you buried it. Or where it’s hidden itself.

You know what I mean? That little place inside you where you didn’t know things could go to hide, but where all your biggest hopes, dreams, and desires lay dormant and untouched until you decided to clean out all the dusty corners of your soul.

That doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll drag it out all at once, either. Maybe it’s like that box of old photos you don’t have time to sort. You pick up one or two, gaze at them with reflection and fondness, and then put them back, planning to get to the rest of them later. It happens. It really does.

And then, when you do take the time to go through the box, you find a treasure. Something you thought was long lost, never to be retrieved, and you clutch it to your heart, tears burning in your eyes because you didn’t realize how much you missed this treasure that’s been buried for so long. You brush it off and carry it around with you, frame it even. Then, finally, when you realize you can no longer keep this amazing thing to yourself, you display it prominently for others, so that they, too, can enjoy and admire the beauty of this thing you’ve discovered.

Again, I say there is no magic formula a person can use to acquire passion. Instead, the magic is inside each individual, waiting to be discovered, used, and then shared with the world. Each of us in our own time, in our own way, powered by the spirits that make us who we are.

That, my friends, is where I believe you’ll find the magic formula.

Take a Break From the Break

When I went to write my posts for this week, I found myself coming up blank. This is a problem I have regularly after an extended break. I get out of blogging mode, out of writing mode even (gasp) and then when I open a new document, find myself staring at the blank page for a long time, wondering how I ever thought I could fill it with beautiful words.

As a solution, I hopped around to a few blogs. Not many, mind you, since my writing time was already pretty limited due to the whole staring-at-the-blank-screen thing. But as always, reading a handful of posts by other authors got my brain moving again.

I think the same can be true for writing short stories or books. Whenever I find myself coming up blank, I head to my TBR stack (otherwise known as “to be read”) or the library, and find a book in which I can lose myself for a while. If the story is good, I find that my brain is humming, my thoughts spinning into storyteller mode. Then, when I open the document again, my fingers start typing of their own accord.

My friend James Dashner has said this same thing about movies. In fact, he makes seeing movies an integrated part of his full-time-writer workday.

So. If, like me, you’re having a hard time jumping back into your computer (or your housework, or job, or whatever thing from which you’ve recently taken a break) here’s a suggestion. Don’t jump in. Read a book. See a movie. Visit a friend. Go for a drive. Do that thing that most inspires you FIRST. Then get started.

It works! It really, really works. That is all.

Things I Learned in 2010

1. No matter how hard you try to please people, someone is inevitably disappointed, let down, or frustrated. I’m far better off doing what feels right to me, and hoping that others understand, but letting it go when they don’t.

2. Turning 18 or 21 doesn’t automatically make a person an adult. It is thoughts, actions, and behaviors that make us that. On the flip side, turning 40 or 50 or 85 doesn’t necessarily make a person old either. Same thing goes, even if our bodies are a little more wrinkled and worn.

3. You can’t plan for everything. Sometimes things come up. You aren’t prepared. Best thing you can do is roll with it, keep your priorities in line, and smile as much as you can.

4. Everyone gets discouraged at some point. Everyone. If you see someone who needs a pick-me-up, jump to help. You never know when you’ll be next and that person (or someone else) will be returning the favor.

5. Really strong, intense emotions tend to shut down your brain, then restart it again with a new perspective (even if that restart takes a few months). At the point of restart, a waterfall of wisdom might flow in. Be prepared to catch it.

6. Always wear a helmet.

7. Be careful of the things you do and say to others. You have no idea what is happening in their lives, how your actions or words will affect them now, or in the future.

8. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder. Also, it makes your house get, then stay, clean for a long time.

9. Sleep is for the tired, but caffeine is for the determined.

10. You can make friends, a home, your bed, but no matter what you do, you cannot make up for words left unsaid. Tell the important people in your life that you love them as often as possible. You never know when your most recent words will turn into your last ones.

What important lessons did you learn last year?