Start with Change

A few years ago, I was lucky enough to attend a workshop session taught by the poetic and brilliant Martine Leavitt. During one of her lectures, she gave our class a bit of advice about beginnings. I don’t remember her exact wording, but she basically told us to start our story on the day when things change.

Real people have those moments regularly. They are the parts of life we may not always want to face, things we don’t always see coming, but they are also the moments that come to define us as people. How will we feel when our town is hit by a natural disaster? How will we react when our parents get divorced? What will we do when someone gets sick and dies, leaving us behind grieving? OR conversely, how will we feel when we reach a goal we’ve been aiming toward for years? How will we react when we find love? What will we do to transplant ourselves in a new place?

These are questions we need to explore with our characters and within our stories. Because change is, by very definition, a conflict of sorts. And every good story is defined by conflict and how the characters overcome the obstacles and beat the odds, just as people are defined by these same things.

So though we might begin with a small glimpse of how things are before, the real story, the part we all look for, happens in the moment when things change.

What life changes have defined you? Have you used those experiences in your writing?  

Daily Defining Moments, Part III: Mean Girls

Situation #3:

Recently, a young girl I know went on a school-sponsored trip. After having her medications taken and held hostage by an unknown party for three days, then having her belongings hidden while she was in the shower, cold water dumped on her in the wee hours of the morning, among other things—this girl could have been vying for revenge. (Especially knowing that the culprits were girls once considered her good friends.)

But this particular young woman wasn’t. Through her hurt and frustration, she opted to take the high road. She didn’t play a single mean prank, even on the girls who wouldn’t leave her alone.

The explanation she gave was this: I don’t ever want to make anyone feel the way they made me feel. I’m not that person.

But it’s not an experience she wants to repeat, either.

So. In this instance, does our compassion make us stronger, or does turning the other cheek make us weak?

(FYI: Right now, I’m wishing Kenny Rogers had written a song about mean girls—cuz I can’t get his song Coward of the County out of my head.)

My conclusion: I’m not saying there’s a right or wrong way to handle any of the situations I’ve mentioned. I think it’s more about who we choose to be and how we react to the cards we’re dealt. In real life, as well as in fiction. As I recently heard quoted by a wise man (sorry, I didn’t catch the source), “It is our daily efforts and how we handle challenges that define us.”

So I ask myself:

1. Will I be defined by a pile of popcorn on the floor?
2. Will I be defined by hitting the ball that results in the winning run?
3. Will I be defined by the cruelties of others?

No, children, I will not. But I might be defined by how I react to all those things. And that, my friends, is the stuff of which personal growth is made.

How will you be defined today?

Daily Defining Moments, Part II: The Hit

Okay, so we discussed the woman and the popcorn, so let’s go for another personal experience from this past weekend.

My eleven-year-old son has decided to try his hand at Little League. Saturday was his first game of the season. Now, being that he hasn’t played much baseball in the past (though he did play machine pitch last year) he ended up sitting the bench for a good portion of the game. It’s okay. We knew it was coming. It happens. But the good thing about Little League is that everyone gets to bat at least once, and for my son, he got up to the plate three times throughout the game.

Two strike-outs later, during the last inning, last ups, a tied score, and one runner on third, my boy steps up to the plate. Strikes once, strikes twice, then hits the ball and—surprised—runs and ends up on first. Then stands, shocked, as everyone in the stands screams and cheers, then the team swarms him with high fives and hugs and happiness.

His hit sent the other runner home, scoring the winning point. The game was officially over. Half an hour later, his FB status update told the world about his amazing hit, and he truly felt like the king of the world.

So. In this instance, are our experiences what make us who we are? Or does who we are define how we experience the important moments?

Daily Defining Moments, Part I: Popcorn

In general, fiction stories start with a turning point, the day everything changes for the main character. The reason this works is because readers can identify with these defining moments in things that happen to them as often as every day. This week, I want to explore some of the daily defining moments I’ve witnessed in real life. Just because, well, your thoughts on the matter will interest me.

Subject number one:

Over the weekend, I took two of my kids to a movie. As the closing credits rolled and the theater emptied out, we followed the crowd toward the exit. Near the door, a woman dropped her half-full bag of popcorn on the floor. She paused, looked around, then back at the mess, and bent to pick up her bag (the easy part) leaving the corn to be scattered by those walking out behind her.

Now, maybe I was extra irritated because of the fact that my son works there, and I knew he would likely be the one stuck cleaning up that particular mess. But as I watched her leave, I couldn’t help but wonder what the woman was thinking. Or if she was thinking at all. She consciously made the decision to leave the mess for someone else, rather than scooping even some of it back into the bag and throwing it in the trash.

So. In this instance, do you think it’s true that we are the decisions we make? Or do our decisions make us who we are?