Healing and Growth are a Choice

I follow some amazing people on social media. Some inspiring and note-worthy ones. Some who are just fabulous friends. Some who stay mostly quiet except to show support for those they care about when it's needed.

The other day I came across this, and it really spoke to me.

It reminded me of our recent moves, which will total four in 29 months by the time we move for the last time in April. None of those moves has been easy on any of our family members. But every one of them has been worth it for a whole slew of reasons.

My husband changed jobs, and there was a while in the beginning when we wondered if we had done the right thing, because we have truly tried hard to follow our instincts in all areas of decision making for our family.

In the end though, it was the right thing. We came to love and appreciate each stage of our growing process, and by the time we got through them, we had been drastically changed as human beings. Indeed, my children, my husband, and I have all learned to view people through a different lens.

Ever since, I've been thinking about how this can apply to other parts of life. As a writer, I do better, write stuff that is more raw and real when I shake things up. As a mother, wife, and woman, I am always better when I break out of the grind of daily routine and do something different.

The next day, another friend posted this, and it just happened to fall in line with the very thoughts that had been on my mind since the first post.

Once again, it spoke to me. Whenever I have been unhappy with my own circumstances, I have worked hard to do whatever I can to change them. When my family has been unhappy, we have worked together, as a family, to change things--including ourselves. It's never easy, but every change we have made has made us infinitely better as people.

As human beings, we all have choices. And we can choose to change and grow. Or not.

What about you? What are you doing to grow lately?

The Benefits of Practice

Well, actually, it’s pretty much everything. I mean, practice keeps us on our toes, right? But since this will be our third move in two years, and since two of those moves have been major, cross-country moves, I’m starting to feel like an expert this time around.

I’m getting good at packing. Not that I wasn’t good before—I’ve moved so many times in my life, that I’ve lost track of how many homes I’ve lived in. And that’s okay. But when it comes to boxing things up—yeah. I’m getting there.

I’m also getting good at throwing things away. I know it sounds funny, but this is not a strength I’ve always had. I’m something of a packrat—or I used to be. I kept everything, even broken Rubbermaid containers, because I didn’t want to have to buy new ones. But broken containers do me no good when we’re moving, and so away they go. Along with the bench I’ve kept in the garage for the last year, planning to paint it. I love it, but it’s damaged, and heavy, and will cost more to transport than it’s worth, and so…it too goes.

Since we’re selling our house in Texas, I’m getting good at quick cleaning. Not because my house is always spotless, but because we’ve learned tricks on where to hide our dirty clothes and how to load the dishwasher in record time.

Another thing I’m learning through practice is how to juggle everything else in life and still get my packing done. For instance, this weekend, my husband and I took a day off to visit a beach we’ve been wanting to get to, but that is just far enough away that we’d put it off. We were gone all day, so we didn’t get any packing done, but we didn’t feel guilty, because we have a Texas bucket list which is also important.

Even though all of the above mentioned things seem to be all about moving, I think the practice idea is true for EVERYTHING. Writing. Reading. Playing an instrument. Sports. Whatever. The more you do a thing, the better at it you become.

And now I need to figure out how to actually plant new roots and stay put, because people, I do not want any more practice with moving.

What about you? What are you currently practicing? 

The Difference Between Reputation and Legacy

Remember a few blogs ago when I mentioned that my oldest daughter is graduating this year? Yeah. She really is. (Crazy, right?) Anyway, the other day there was this sort of mock ceremony called a baccalaureate, during which graduating seniors came together, wearing caps and gowns, and listened to an inspirational speaker.

I’m not going to go into major detail about the speech or the activity or whatever. But one thing the speaker said really struck me, so I thought I’d share it here.

He said, “A reputation is built in a day. A legacy is built in a lifetime.” ~Kacy Benson

It struck home for me. Reputation is fleeting. Legacy is forever.

If I teach my children nothing more in this life, I hope it is how little reputation matters when you get to heaven, and how much more important it is to touch the lives of others, in everything we do, and in every way we can.

So tell me. What have you done to touch someone’s life today? 

Fight Like a Turtle

This past weekend my family dragged ourselves out of bed a little more than an hour before dawn (yes, you read that right—BEFORE) and drove to a nearby national park. Rangers were scheduled to release a clutch of recently hatched baby turtles into the sea, and since we’ve missed several other releases, we were determined to make this one—as it is very possibly the last of the year.

Seeing those little guys crawl toward the water was worth getting up for.

 

I’m not going to get into the details of how these particular turtles are an endangered species and how every sighting/nest is supposed to be reported and yadda yadda. Let’s just say that the rangers incubate the eggs (the mothers abandon them) and then, when they hatch, release them in a safe environment to give them the best chance for survival.

So the ranger takes these tiny little turtles, which are smaller than my palm (a kid-sized palm, FYI) and sets them on the sand. Then each little turtle has to crawl a distance of what must seem like miles to them, in order to reach the water that will be their home. They struggle. And they crawl. And crawl and struggle, until finally, a good and powerful wave sweeps up and picks them up off the sand…

Pushing them backward.

So, they craw and struggle some more until the next wave picks them up. Every once in a while, one manages to stay afloat long enough so that the wave carries it out to sea, but most of them end up fighting a battle that basically pushes them back as often as it carries them forward.

Still they fight, and they crawl, and they move on their own with zero help from the hundred or so people watching. And wouldn’t you know it, eventually, every single one of them manages to not only reach the water, but to remain in it.

Because be it instinct or encouragement from peers, those little guys never once thought to give up. They just kept crawling until they found their own wave that would carry them out to where they needed to be.

As I witnessed this miracle of life, the sun came up over the water and turned the water to gold and the sand to burnished copper, leaving me with one parting thought.

Humans can learn a lot from turtles. 

More About Choosing Happy Things

After last week’s post, I’ve been thinking more about things that make us happy and some of the ways in which we can take control of our happiness. We’re all different, and I do understand there is a very distinct difference between clinical depression and just feeling blah due to life circumstances. So with that in mind, I thought I’d throw out some of my fallback ideas for when I need a little cheer.

1.       Exercise. High levels of physical activity release endorphins into your brain which are not only conductive to happiness, but also enhance creativity. So yeah, this is a big thing for me.

2.        Fresh air. There is something so calming and relaxing about being outside in fresh air. Granted, in Texas right now, walking outside is similar to walking into a pre-heated oven, so our outside time tends to happen in the evening and at night, but yeah. It’s still awesome.

3.       Retail therapy. Don’t laugh. Finding that something special can be a little like winning a big sports game to a person who likes to shop. And yeah, okay, money can’t buy happiness, and I totally agree that’s true. But sometimes the smallest, silliest thing can make a person’s day. For instance, last week I found a seashell lamp, and it was half off of an already inexpensive price. It was a steal, and I fell in love with it. Day. Made.  

4.       Time with a good friend. There is nothing, and no one who can soothe us the way our favorite people can. Sometimes that means a long distance phone call, or Facetime or Skype or an online chat, or whatever whatever. It’s about communicating with someone you love, and who loves you back. Someone who is a good listener, and who will—when needed—give you the gift of brutal honesty. Sometimes, we all need to be told to suck it up, and sometimes we just need to be allowed to cry.

5.       Create a sanctuary. Be it your bedroom, an office, or a space outside, or wherever. We all need somewhere that is specifically our special place, where we can go to chill and just veg for a while. This space should be comfortable and comforting, and you should enjoy it the minute you walk into it. And if ever you get tired of it, it should be something you can rearrange or redecorate and love all over again.

6.       Change your diet. Because the thing is, as much as we all love sugar and carbs, if depression is a chemical issue for you, changing your diet can make a HUGE difference. In fact, even if it’s not a chemical thing. What we eat plays a big part of how we feel, so it’s important to make sure we’re eating things that make our bodies happy.

7.       Yoga. Because stretching is relaxing, and being relaxed does a lot for a person’s well being. Also, you feel fantastic after you’re done.

So those are a few of my tried and true methods for when I’m feeling unhappy. Now I’d love to hear what you do when you’re feeling down.  

In Which I Realize We All Have Issues

Okay, so this is not a new realization. But still. As mentioned in my last post, I have issues. Stuff I’m dealing with and decisions to make, etc, and yes, I have the ingrained instinct to want to bury my head under the covers and never come out. Or at least to wallow. But then, every single time I decide to do exactly that, I blink, and catch a glimpse of the world, and the other people in it who are not me.

I see others having troubles, and I talk someone else off a ledge, read about angst and uncertainty and troubles and depression and boredom and ISSUES. Real issues that are not pretend or fictional, but someone else’s actual reality.

I’m not saying other people’s problems make mine seem smaller or comparative or bigger or whatever. No, that’s not the point at all. What I realize is that everyone is dealing with something, and that something is huge to that person at that time, just like my thing is huge to me when I’m dealing with it—or whatever. Does that even make sense? The point is that it makes me feel not-so-alone as I deal with things. It makes me realize that my thing—no matter what it is—will not be the end of life as I know it (well, unless that involves moving again, and holy freak, I’d like to not do that again for a while, okay?), but maybe just a stepping stone to greater things.

And also, my things, my issues, my troubles and experiences and other crap? It all makes me human. Makes me strong. And strong is something I have always wanted to be. So I guess yeah. Maybe I can handle stuff, and be okay and do hard things. And my friends can too. And we will ALL OF US survive and become strong.

So that’s it. My personal lesson for this week. Everyone has issues, and it’s all good. We’re dealing with life and figuring things out, and no matter how alone we feel, we’re also united in our… insanity? Yes. That’s a good word.

Are you one of the insane ones? 

Staring Down the Crossroads of Uncertainty

Let’s face it. We all feel it. We all have those moments when we are standing at a fork in the road, staring at a number of choices, all of which have pros and cons, and none of which stands out as the absolute right one.

We all have those moments when we have no idea what comes next, and we have to take a leap of faith.

This year, I have come to a number of those crossroads. Honestly, I think this is the year of wide, scary crossroads for me, and the year when I spend more time than ever closing my eyes, holding my nose, and jumping into dark, murky waters or some other strange abyss.

Why can’t the abyss ever be filled with cotton candy or ice cream or sparkly jewelry? *sigh*

This week, I’m staring at another one. A difficult choice, a future-altering thing, a terrifying what-if.  I’m still not sure which road is best, which path will lead me to the place I hope to someday be. And none of the roads is ideal. But regardless, I have to choose one. For this journey, I may need a machete to cut through the weeds, but somehow, I sense that the hardest choice might be the best. Or, well, that’s how it tends to work out for me.

Still. I think I’m ready.

Yeah. I’m getting good at facing the unknown. And hey, if the road I choose is the wrong one, everything is not lost. I will still have an amazing story to tell.

So yeah. Cheer me on, would you? Tell me your amazing story?

If You’re Going to Do Something, Do it Right

We’re moving this week. I know, I know, we just did this, right? But that's life. I was hoping to be moved in by now, or at least mostly moved in. But the renovations weren’t quite done in time to make our first, or second closing date, so we pushed forward with a third, and have still had to hang out while the last details were finished (minus cleaning, which will probably fall to us now).

*crosses fingers everything is really finished for real*

The problem we continue to run into is that some of the subcontractors have dragged their feet on making deadlines, and then been lazy about the finish work. And, these poor guys because they now have to deal with an annoyed and irritated me, who is very intolerant of lazy/messy finish work.

It’s not that I’m mean or unable to be pleased. It’s just that I have this very firm belief that if you’re going to do something, and if that thing is going to have a deadline, you should do it right and within the time allotted. And if you are not going to finish in time, communicate about why and STILL do it right from start to finish.

Writers, artists, professionals of every variety and choice—we all have projects. Our projects have deadlines, and specifications, and each of us has someone who will hold us accountable (or we should, anyway) for finishing our projects, and finishing them the right way.

I expect this of myself, though I don’t generally get paid for my work immediately after turning it in (or finishing or whatever),  so it’s difficult for me to expect less of people who are immediately getting paid. Because really, I believe we should always, always, always strive to do our BEST WORK, in everything, regardless of circumstances.

So tell me. When is the last time you pushed a deadline, and what did it take to make sure you turned in your best possible work?

Small Successes that Make All the Difference

The other day, I was watching my daughter play basketball. Her team was losing—badly—but even though the score was so uneven everyone knew there was no way they could come back and win, the girls played hard anyway.

They made some beautiful plays, scored a few three point shots, and came away smiling because they knew they’d played a good game. Even though they hadn’t won, they’d succeeded in something much more fundamental, and were able to celebrate their accomplishments.  For them, it wasn’t just about winning.

It made me think of my career as a writer. My journey has been every bit as rough as one of my daughter’s games. I’ve had lots of ups and downs, and even managed to score a few three pointers. Sometimes I feel like I’m ahead, and others I know I’m way behind. This game has not gone the way I envisioned it when I started out.

But regardless of all that, I have always been happy to celebrate the small successes that have led to bigger, more meaningful ones.

I’m still working, moving forward, reaching and striving for goals. I’m not yet where I intend to someday be. But weeks like this? Yeah, they remind me that this journey is sure a beautiful ride.

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