Earlier this week, I was cleaning, and came across a book with CD, written and performed by recording artist Amy Grant. In this book, she tells the story of how one of her most amazing songs came to be written. As it happens, that song is a Christmas one, and it is my all time favorites. The book reminded me of a story of my own.
The years surrounding Christmas 1995 were some of the hardest I ever hope to face, and to this day, that fact holds strong. To tell you the story would be highly personal, possibly boring, and likely require an entire novel, so I won’t go into detailed explanations.
Suffice it to say, the foundations of my entire life were shaken, and in some places shattered into irreparable pieces. My heart was broken in about a hundred different ways (not having anything to do with my husband). That year, I discovered that evil lurked in the world, that things weren’t always as we believed them to be, and that even the people you trust most are capable of lies.
During this time, I had three things going for me that saved my life in more ways than I can count.
1. I was married to an amazing man who left work to come home and hold me when I needed to be held.
2. I had a two-year-old son who was the brightest part of my life.
3. I was pregnant with my second child—a daughter—whose arrival would make my life all the brighter, better, and sweeter.
That year for Christmas, my husband bought me a portable CD player with a car adapter (I only had cassette at the time), and I also got a copy of Amy Grant’s CD. This song (the one featured in the book I found the other day) is the one that helped me find strength to push through. I would listen to it over and over again, hands on my stomach as my daughter moved around, and know that I was strong enough.
The song is called Breath of Heaven, and to this day, hearing it makes my eyes tear. Merry Christmas, my friends. May you ever find the strength you need to push through your hardest trials, the way Mary did.
Has music ever saved you in some way?
2 comments:
Beautiful post Nichole. I was so sad to hear about your difficult past, but I hope you have a very Merry Christmas this season. <3
The first time I heard this song was by a young girl who had dressed up like a pregnant Mary and sang a private performance just for me. She had a voice like I have never heard since. Her performance itself was nothing short of heart-breaking. The way she smoothed her belly, the way she pressed her hand to her chest when she sang, "Do you wonder as you watch my face if a wiser one should have had my place?"
It tore my heart asunder, spoke a quiet peace to the remains, and sealed it all back together with a promise that no matter how hard it was for me, I could keep going. Even when I wonder if He wonders, I feel like that breath is harbored somewhere deep inside--and it helps me continue breathing.
I'm so sorry for what you've suffered. I'm so glad you have become the brilliant, compassionate, incredible woman you are in part due to the pain, and in part due to refusing to yield to it.
You always have a friend in me. *hug*
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