Useful Stuff

So, I’m getting ready to move, and that means I’m cleaning out, like, everything. And we’re getting rid of stuff. So. Much. Stuff.

Guys, if you ever want to feel like a hoarder, decide to move a long distance. You go through every cupboard and closet and storage area evaluating whether or not you can live with 100 empty prescription bottles or that drawer full of mini hotel shampoos. Because, come on. It’s taken you like, nine years to amass this collection, so it’s not easy to dump it in the trash, right?

If you have to fit your entire life onto a single truck, and the movers charge by weight (or if you’re doing the Uhaul thing and have limited space) you take the time to reconsider the need for that collection you’ve been saving. At some point, you must have thought of a possible use for these things. There must have been some point in time when you wished you had a 20 year old bottle of designer perfume or a once-used fuchsia lipstick. There MUST be a reason for saving these things, right? (Don’t laugh, I dumped them. I really did!)

But the creative side of me has to take a minute to recognize that there is a use for everything. That perfume could be a useful weapon against potential…attackers. Yes, that’s it. And that lipstick could be used as, um, oh, I know, part of a disguise. Yes. And the pill bottles? You could totally build a tower out of those, or dump them on the floor in place of marbles ala Home Alone. Same with the shampoos. Slick-shoes ala Goonies.

See? There really is a use for all the crap I just threw away.

Therefore, I’m no longer going to feel like a Hoarder. Yes. Okay.

Please tell me you keep crap because you know someday you’ll use it. Just humor me, okay?