How to Catch a Stalker

My fourteen-year-old daughter has a stalker. I think. It’s kind of funny, but at the same time, extremely creepy. What would you think if you found this on your front porch?

And then, a couple weeks later, this.

Granted, it’s not in any way threatening. And most likely meant kindly—as in, secret admirer-ish. But seriously, if you want to be a secret admirer, leave a treat (or in this case, drink) that’s actually still sealed. And don’t leave a note cut out of magazine letters or stenciled. And seriously, don’t EVER leave a jar full of random scripture references. Because, you know, if someone in our house needs to be uplifted or repent, we’ll handle that ourselves.

So I’m trying to decide what to do to make my daughter feel less creeped-out. Buy a surveillance camera? Fingerprint the jar, and then all the kids in the neighborhood? Take handwriting samples to the nearby churches and to the school and have samples analyzed by a team of specialists? Launch a full scale investigation into the nature of these cryptic messages? Call the FBI and put them on the case? Offer a reward for the capture of the culprit? (Actually, I might do that.)

Or wait for the next message and hope to catch whoever is leaving them? (So far, we've deduced that the culprit is female, approximately 11-16 years old, and lives somewhat nearby.)

*rubs hands together*

*uses author brain to plot plan for capture*

So, my brilliant friends, any great, hilariously creative ideas? (And yeah, I'll probably use this in a story at some point.)


*If you live in my neighborhood and have a clue about this, I'm not lying about that reward. Come talk to me.