Friday, April 6, 2012

How to Catch a Stalker

My fourteen-year-old daughter has a stalker. I think. It’s kind of funny, but at the same time, extremely creepy. What would you think if you found this on your front porch?

And then, a couple weeks later, this.

Granted, it’s not in any way threatening. And most likely meant kindly—as in, secret admirer-ish. But seriously, if you want to be a secret admirer, leave a treat (or in this case, drink) that’s actually still sealed. And don’t leave a note cut out of magazine letters or stenciled. And seriously, don’t EVER leave a jar full of random scripture references. Because, you know, if someone in our house needs to be uplifted or repent, we’ll handle that ourselves.

So I’m trying to decide what to do to make my daughter feel less creeped-out. Buy a surveillance camera? Fingerprint the jar, and then all the kids in the neighborhood? Take handwriting samples to the nearby churches and to the school and have samples analyzed by a team of specialists? Launch a full scale investigation into the nature of these cryptic messages? Call the FBI and put them on the case? Offer a reward for the capture of the culprit? (Actually, I might do that.)

Or wait for the next message and hope to catch whoever is leaving them? (So far, we've deduced that the culprit is female, approximately 11-16 years old, and lives somewhat nearby.)

*rubs hands together*

*uses author brain to plot plan for capture*

So, my brilliant friends, any great, hilariously creative ideas? (And yeah, I'll probably use this in a story at some point.)

*If you live in my neighborhood and have a clue about this, I'm not lying about that reward. Come talk to me.


LM Preston said...

I bet if she posted this blog post on FB and pictures of her items to tell the person to 'Please stop you are creeping me out' the kid that's been admiring her will see it.

J.R. Johansson said...

Well, I think it's far less threatening coming from a girl. And I agree with LM, posting this on Facebook with a very nice. "If you'd like to leave me things, please leave your name on it so I can say thanks and not feel creeped out--K, thx bye!" from your daughter would probably take care of the problem. :)

L.T. Elliot said...

Smart thoughts from LM and JR about facebooking it. Or, you could always hide a bear trap. Just sayin'.

Guess it's good practice for you own future Days O' Stalkin'--because you know after you're published that random creepiness will follow you, right?

Nichole Giles said...

LM, probably. Good idea!

JR, imagine how many scenarios we've come up with given our combined creative/cop/teenager minds. Yikes. But it's another story idea that could turn into something.

LT, I am prepared for random creepiness. Just not for my kids. There are lines and all that. But I LOVE your bear trap idea. May have to get one of those.

Speaking of stalkers, it's a good thing I know all your real names, or I'd worry that you are all hiding your true identities! Tee hee.

Riv Re said...

Yeah, I'm up with bear traps. Or you can set up a net. And then spear the kid through the stomach. Just make sure to avoid flying arrows coming from her allies.
Wait. Sorry, wrong book. Best of luck dealing with this. =D
(And sorry, I guess I'm a stalker, concealing my real name.)

Nichole Giles said...

Hahahahaha! That's too funny, Riv. Thanks!

Angie said...

It is a little creepy. My neighbor went through something similar, only theirs was clearly threatening from the start. They actually got the police involved and caught the boys doing it. In your case, I like the suggestions above. Good luck with it!

Nichole Giles said...

Thanks Angie! We're going to have to set up some traps, I think.

BrendaSue said...

Havent seen anything "suspicious" but I will keep my eyes on any unknown persons from now on!